Patience Reminders

I pride myself in patience especially in my profession.  I realize results take time, even years.  However, when I'm talking about becoming a parent, THAT is a whole different story.

Ever since Andy and I became active, we have been anxious to get THE call.  I checked my phone several times during the day knowing the agency will call during business hours.  We knew we would not hear from the agency until a birthmom chose us.  That was a hard pill to swallow because we wanted updates.  We wanted to know if we had been shown to a birthmom or not.  The agency recommends waiting several months for US to contact THEM to see how many times our profile had been shown to perspective birthmoms.  Based on the information we filled out about the birthmom's medical history, pregnancy history, and budget, the agency narrows down adoptive parents' profiles to fit what the birthmom wants.  Then she makes the courageous choice of who will be her baby's forever home.

When we became active, my gut told me February would be the month.  February would be the month that we got THE call, and our child would be born.  FEBRUARY!  February came...and went.  Nothing.  The old fear of rejection that I buried a long time ago reared it's ugly head.  Why haven't we been picked?  Was it something we wrote?  Was it a picture we chose?  Did we not say the right things in the video?  Did we seem stuffy?  Did we really portray who we are?  What do the adoptive families who are matched have that we don't have?  Will we be parents at all?  All of this has been going through my head since February.  If beating yourself was a sport, I'd win the Olympics.

The insecurities happened all while trying to be patient and positive.  I remind myself that we will be the right parents to a baby, we just have to be patient.  It will happen.  No matter what, it will happen.

To add to the pressure were the questions from others.  Andy and I both know this was NOT intentional.  We know our family and friends care for us a lot and were genuinely interested.  They were and they are.  It just became hard when we had no news to share.  NONE.  We would not hear anything until we are matched.  My typical response when asked was, "We haven't heard anything, but that's okay.  It will happen."  I believed that, or at least I wanted to believe it.  Each time I was asked about the adoption, it was a reminder of my patience, or lack thereof.

There is not a moment that goes by when I don't think about the adoption.  I'm incredibly excited to be a parent and to share this journey with Andy and our child.  We've had several people tell us how lucky the child will be to have us as his/her parents.  Actually, we feel the other way around.  WE are the lucky ones.  That moment, whenever it may happen, will make us the luckiest people in the world.

It will happen.  No matter what, it will happen.