April 23, 2014
Andy and I had a conference call scheduled with our adoption counselor or specialist. She started off by congratulating us on our match. She then discussed the next steps of the process including the phone call with the birthmom. She said that it is typical for all of us to be incredibly nervous and the phone call would be super awkward. She gave advice on the structure of the phone call of us showing our excitement and gratitude, of showing empathy, of asking questions about her, of us allowing her to ask questions, of us calming her fears and so on. I feverishly took notes of the ideas. This was one phone call I did NOT want to screw up. I'm not afraid to admit it, but I am an incredibly awkward person. This raises my anxiety big time knowing this is my first impression with some who will hopefully make me a mom. The conference call continued with the specifics of our trip including plane rides, hotels, insurance and so on...blah blah blah. My mind was on overload and I couldn't wait to talk to Andy later that evening.
Fast forward a couple of hours and we received an e-mail from the birthmom's counselor asking if we could talk to the birthmom in an hour. WHAT?!?!?!?!?!??!!?? I hadn't even had time to process the first phone call and now I'm supposed to prepare for an extremely emotional phone call with a birthmom. Of course we did, but we or I was scared.
The birthmom's counselor talked to us again about it being normal if the conversation seems awkward or there are quiet times. She kept saying, "That's okay."
Before we knew it, it was game time. We were talking with our birthmom! The wave of emotions came. Without getting into the specifics of our conversations, our conversation went well. I rambled and rambled, never allowing for a quiet time. She talked about how she was feeling, which was great. She shared some of her story which includes a large family including one child and hopes to go back to school to enter the medical field. She is not what people typically classify as a birthmom: she isn't a teenager; she isn't a wild child; she isn't without goals.
She talked a little bit about our profile and said, "You look like you have fun all of the time. I like that." I responded with, "We do. Life is meant to be fun."
She asked if we have thought about names for him, and we shared his name. She asked if we could be at the hospital with her, and we gladly said yes. How could we not? She asked if we could send pictures of him around his birthday and holidays and we said we would. All of this seemed so surreal. It was actually happening.
Then this happened: I talked about how thankful we are. She said, "I'm so happy I can make your dreams come true."
Yes, this birthmom is quite a lady. I am so thankful to have her in my life.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Saturday, May 17, 2014
THE Call
Thursday, April 17, 2014
That was a FANTASTIC day!
It was a half day professional development day, so students were out of the building. My colleague and I had just gotten back from jumping in a pool for a motivation video. Don't ask, but things like that are a normal occurrence.
I was in the counselors' office when my cell phone kept ringing. Andy called asking me where I was. He told me I needed to go back to my office because the agency was calling us. WAIT!?!?!? WHAT???? I repeated what he said in my head. The excitement in his voice was apparent. He said a birthmom had fallen in love with us and wanted us to be the parents. OH MY GOSH! I don't remember the walk to my office, but I did.
Andy called the agency for a conference call. My heart was pounding. I remember feeling every. single. thud. How could this really be happening?
The birthmother's adoption specialist was on the phone. She is the person the birthmom works with at the agency. She started off by saying that there is an opportunity for us, but it was outside of our profile. Long story short, it was about $10,000 more outside of our budget. This is when she said the conversation could stop right now and that was understandable. We asked her to continue...
The birthmom fell in love with us. SHE found US on the website and knew we would be the adoptive parents. The agency said that the birthmom knew of a couple who was adopting and the birthmom decided to keep the baby. That made our birthmom sad and knew she wouldn't do that to us. At this point, I'm fairly certain I sighed with relief.
The agency continued by saying how the birthmom was very adamant she wanted us and continued to call us to see if we knew yet. She went through the birthmom's medical history, which we couldn't ask for a better situation. We also listened to what the agency knew about the pregnancy, and she asked, "Do you want to know the sex?" WOW! WOW! WOW! I remember quite clearly her saying, "You're having a little boy." That's when the tears started. I now knew I was having a son, due August 11th in New York. HOLY CRAP!
We asked her the logistics of everything, because it was more than we expected. She said we needed to make a decision by Monday and sign the paperwork and wire the money. She also said she would e-mail us everything we needed to know and do.
After the phone conference, Andy and I called each other. I kept repeating, "We're having a son." Typing those words now seems so surreal. I'm having a little boy.
The phone calls to close family started. I called my mom letting her know. I called Laura, who just recently found out she was pregnant. Her response was priceless. In her excited voice, she kept saying, "Really?????" She turned to Jude and said, "Jude, Sarah and Andy are having a baby. They're having a baby boy." He got really excited and wanted him to come and play.
So there it is. It happened. We found out we would be parents to Oliver. :-) Our feet haven't touched the ground since.
That was a FANTASTIC day!
It was a half day professional development day, so students were out of the building. My colleague and I had just gotten back from jumping in a pool for a motivation video. Don't ask, but things like that are a normal occurrence.
I was in the counselors' office when my cell phone kept ringing. Andy called asking me where I was. He told me I needed to go back to my office because the agency was calling us. WAIT!?!?!? WHAT???? I repeated what he said in my head. The excitement in his voice was apparent. He said a birthmom had fallen in love with us and wanted us to be the parents. OH MY GOSH! I don't remember the walk to my office, but I did.
Andy called the agency for a conference call. My heart was pounding. I remember feeling every. single. thud. How could this really be happening?
The birthmother's adoption specialist was on the phone. She is the person the birthmom works with at the agency. She started off by saying that there is an opportunity for us, but it was outside of our profile. Long story short, it was about $10,000 more outside of our budget. This is when she said the conversation could stop right now and that was understandable. We asked her to continue...
The birthmom fell in love with us. SHE found US on the website and knew we would be the adoptive parents. The agency said that the birthmom knew of a couple who was adopting and the birthmom decided to keep the baby. That made our birthmom sad and knew she wouldn't do that to us. At this point, I'm fairly certain I sighed with relief.
The agency continued by saying how the birthmom was very adamant she wanted us and continued to call us to see if we knew yet. She went through the birthmom's medical history, which we couldn't ask for a better situation. We also listened to what the agency knew about the pregnancy, and she asked, "Do you want to know the sex?" WOW! WOW! WOW! I remember quite clearly her saying, "You're having a little boy." That's when the tears started. I now knew I was having a son, due August 11th in New York. HOLY CRAP!
We asked her the logistics of everything, because it was more than we expected. She said we needed to make a decision by Monday and sign the paperwork and wire the money. She also said she would e-mail us everything we needed to know and do.
After the phone conference, Andy and I called each other. I kept repeating, "We're having a son." Typing those words now seems so surreal. I'm having a little boy.
The phone calls to close family started. I called my mom letting her know. I called Laura, who just recently found out she was pregnant. Her response was priceless. In her excited voice, she kept saying, "Really?????" She turned to Jude and said, "Jude, Sarah and Andy are having a baby. They're having a baby boy." He got really excited and wanted him to come and play.
So there it is. It happened. We found out we would be parents to Oliver. :-) Our feet haven't touched the ground since.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
If you know someone who is adopting...
I've taken some time thinking about this post, so here it goes.
For us, actually starting the adoption process took a lot of time. For those who know me, you probably know how abnormal this is for me to not jump right in. For those who know Andy, you know how methodical and thoughtful he is. Yes, we're ying and yang...opposites...we balance each other out. To put it mildly, we have thought, analyzed, stressed over soooo much of the process and almost all of the possibilities.
For us, actually starting the adoption process took a lot of time. For those who know me, you probably know how abnormal this is for me to not jump right in. For those who know Andy, you know how methodical and thoughtful he is. Yes, we're ying and yang...opposites...we balance each other out. To put it mildly, we have thought, analyzed, stressed over soooo much of the process and almost all of the possibilities.
Not only are we super fortunate to be able to adopt, we are also pretty fortunate to have an AH-mazing support system surrounding us. We have a bazillion people who care about us and want to check in on us. We are so appreciative of the love and support. Seriously.
Through our experience so far, I thought I would share some comments and how some who are adopting may interpret them. I know these statements were in no way meant to be hurtful, just some checking in on the process.
Do you want a real child? I've said this before. Yes, I have had this comment. What I believe they're trying to say is do you want a biological child. The answer: I want a child. I want to be a mom. Genes don't create that.
Are you scared the birthmom will back out? Or I know someone who was trying to adopt and the birthmom kept the baby. THIS IS MY #1 FEAR. Hands down. Of course I am. How could I not be? In fact, I try to do everything to NOT think about that. Is this normal for a birthmom to keep a baby? No. There are more successful adoptions than interrupted adoptions.
I know someone who adopted and she got pregnant right afterwards. I honestly have heard this a million times. While that would be great, we're not adopting in the hopes that I'll get pregnant. I'm not betting on it at all. Right now, I am focused on adopting and all the joy and stress that comes with it.
The baby will be so lucky. Actually, it is the other way around. We're incredibly lucky. Incredibly.
The main thing to remember when talking to adoptive parents is that each adoption story is unique. By the time they share that they are adopting, they have probably run the gamut of emotions and back. They have probably worked hard to get to the point they are at including filling out form after form after form after form...Sometimes they just need someone to listen.
We truly are thankful for the tons of support we have received and can't wait to share our continued journey with you.
Through our experience so far, I thought I would share some comments and how some who are adopting may interpret them. I know these statements were in no way meant to be hurtful, just some checking in on the process.
Do you want a real child? I've said this before. Yes, I have had this comment. What I believe they're trying to say is do you want a biological child. The answer: I want a child. I want to be a mom. Genes don't create that.
Are you scared the birthmom will back out? Or I know someone who was trying to adopt and the birthmom kept the baby. THIS IS MY #1 FEAR. Hands down. Of course I am. How could I not be? In fact, I try to do everything to NOT think about that. Is this normal for a birthmom to keep a baby? No. There are more successful adoptions than interrupted adoptions.
I know someone who adopted and she got pregnant right afterwards. I honestly have heard this a million times. While that would be great, we're not adopting in the hopes that I'll get pregnant. I'm not betting on it at all. Right now, I am focused on adopting and all the joy and stress that comes with it.
The baby will be so lucky. Actually, it is the other way around. We're incredibly lucky. Incredibly.
The main thing to remember when talking to adoptive parents is that each adoption story is unique. By the time they share that they are adopting, they have probably run the gamut of emotions and back. They have probably worked hard to get to the point they are at including filling out form after form after form after form...Sometimes they just need someone to listen.
We truly are thankful for the tons of support we have received and can't wait to share our continued journey with you.
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