Why Adoption?

Yes, we tried conceiving.  Yes, it didn't work out.  Those are all very true facts.  But, it is also a fact that, for us, it is more important to be parents and have a family than have a biological child.

Adoption has always been an option in my mind.  Before we were married, Andy and I talked about adopting for maybe our second or third child.  All good plans change to even better plans.

Like I said, it has always been an option.  My Grandma was an orphan.  She became an orphan at age 7 when her mom died during childbirth and her dad died a year later.  With all of her aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents in Belgium, Grandma and her siblings were put in a Catholic orphanage.  This is where Grandma grew up.  As a little girl, I felt sorry for her because every kid deserves a mom in my mind.  Her story laid the ground work for where I am today.

My first few years of elementary school were spent in a private school.  I became very close with another girl, Leah.  I remember vividly when she drew the Korean flag during our playtime.  When asked what that was, she told me it was the flag of where she was born.  My kindergarten brain was blown.  I'm sure I asked tons of questions (especially since I had even less of a filter than I do now).  I also remember noticing that Leah did not look like her parents or even her brother who was also adopted.  It wasn't a big deal, but I did notice.

Adoption has been ingrained in me.  Andy and I both know how easily we can love a child unconditionally.  We've done that time and time again as our nephew was born, my cousin's son was born, and our best friends' son was born.  We have a lot of love to give, but biology doesn't make that love any better.

Biology...genetics, all of it, it does not make a family.  Case in point, my own biological dad.  I don't really talk about him.  I've learned that by me not talking about him, some assume that he died.  As far as I know, that is not the case.  My parents split when I was 14 after SEVERAL years of not so good times.  When they divorced, I made the choice that I no longer wanted anything to do with him.  I alone made that decision and had to prove my choice to a court-appointed counselor.  I guess why I'm touching on this story is to show genetics don't matter.  I don't know honestly what the appropriate term to call him is because "dad" doesn't feel right.  My mom has fit the role of both mom and dad...not him. Genetics don't make a family; love does.  Period.

"Do you want a real child?"  Yes, I've gotten this question a few times.  This question really bothers me.  It almost feels like the people who ask this question feel sorry for us, like we're missing out on something.  I don't believe we are.  Our family will just be created differently than some others.  The moment we receive the awesome gift of becoming parents, the baby is our real child.  Just because I will not give birth and we will not have the same genetics does not mean we are any less of a family.  I guarantee we have a lot of love to give our baby.  As a shirt I ordered for our child says, "Family is more than just blood."