For us, actually starting the adoption process took a lot of time. For those who know me, you probably know how abnormal this is for me to not jump right in. For those who know Andy, you know how methodical and thoughtful he is. Yes, we're ying and yang...opposites...we balance each other out. To put it mildly, we have thought, analyzed, stressed over soooo much of the process and almost all of the possibilities.
Not only are we super fortunate to be able to adopt, we are also pretty fortunate to have an AH-mazing support system surrounding us. We have a bazillion people who care about us and want to check in on us. We are so appreciative of the love and support. Seriously.
Through our experience so far, I thought I would share some comments and how some who are adopting may interpret them. I know these statements were in no way meant to be hurtful, just some checking in on the process.
Do you want a real child? I've said this before. Yes, I have had this comment. What I believe they're trying to say is do you want a biological child. The answer: I want a child. I want to be a mom. Genes don't create that.
Are you scared the birthmom will back out? Or I know someone who was trying to adopt and the birthmom kept the baby. THIS IS MY #1 FEAR. Hands down. Of course I am. How could I not be? In fact, I try to do everything to NOT think about that. Is this normal for a birthmom to keep a baby? No. There are more successful adoptions than interrupted adoptions.
I know someone who adopted and she got pregnant right afterwards. I honestly have heard this a million times. While that would be great, we're not adopting in the hopes that I'll get pregnant. I'm not betting on it at all. Right now, I am focused on adopting and all the joy and stress that comes with it.
The baby will be so lucky. Actually, it is the other way around. We're incredibly lucky. Incredibly.
The main thing to remember when talking to adoptive parents is that each adoption story is unique. By the time they share that they are adopting, they have probably run the gamut of emotions and back. They have probably worked hard to get to the point they are at including filling out form after form after form after form...Sometimes they just need someone to listen.
We truly are thankful for the tons of support we have received and can't wait to share our continued journey with you.
Through our experience so far, I thought I would share some comments and how some who are adopting may interpret them. I know these statements were in no way meant to be hurtful, just some checking in on the process.
Do you want a real child? I've said this before. Yes, I have had this comment. What I believe they're trying to say is do you want a biological child. The answer: I want a child. I want to be a mom. Genes don't create that.
Are you scared the birthmom will back out? Or I know someone who was trying to adopt and the birthmom kept the baby. THIS IS MY #1 FEAR. Hands down. Of course I am. How could I not be? In fact, I try to do everything to NOT think about that. Is this normal for a birthmom to keep a baby? No. There are more successful adoptions than interrupted adoptions.
I know someone who adopted and she got pregnant right afterwards. I honestly have heard this a million times. While that would be great, we're not adopting in the hopes that I'll get pregnant. I'm not betting on it at all. Right now, I am focused on adopting and all the joy and stress that comes with it.
The baby will be so lucky. Actually, it is the other way around. We're incredibly lucky. Incredibly.
The main thing to remember when talking to adoptive parents is that each adoption story is unique. By the time they share that they are adopting, they have probably run the gamut of emotions and back. They have probably worked hard to get to the point they are at including filling out form after form after form after form...Sometimes they just need someone to listen.
We truly are thankful for the tons of support we have received and can't wait to share our continued journey with you.
Good advice!
ReplyDeleteYour Amazing Sarah and very thankful to be part of your journey and as always many blessings :)
ReplyDeleteI agree completely on the comments that the child is so lucky. I know it is said with good intentions, but people have said that about our son Robert and it is so untrue. We are blessed to have him.
ReplyDeleteBecause you are. He entered your life for a reason.
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